How I accidentally invented weight loss chocolates

I’m going to be rich. I can feel the money now…
And it’s all so simple. It came to me as I was offering a box of chocolates by way of thankyou to someone who was very helpful to me today. Weight loss chocolates should also shortly be endorsed by the Australian Dentistry Association, Weight Watchers and Bob Jane T-Marts. Look for us on Today Tonight Soon!
Step One: Do a Google Image Search for “Chocolate”. Pick the one you like. This is a cross-section of what I got when searching:
picture-2
(Author’s note: The Internet being what it is, best to search with Safe Search on, OK?)
Step Two: Stare at the chocolate. It is, undeniably, chocolate. This will have the added benefit of raising your endorphins a little, in anticipation of chocolate.
Now, no matter how long you stare at the chocolates, you won’t gain any calories at all. Indeed, the act of staring at them will, in and of itself, burn calories. Not too many, either, so unlike expensive so-called exercise, you won’t end up all tired and sweaty at the end of it. Well, not tired, anyway. Some people get very excited by chocolates.
Now, who wants to start the bidding on my patent for weight loss chocolates? Do I hear a Billion dollars?

About the author

Alex Kidman is a multi-award winning Australian technology writer, former editor at Gizmodo, CNET, GameSpot, ZDNet, PC Mag, APC, Finder and as a contributor to the ABC, SMH, AFR, Courier Mail, GadgetGuy, PC & Tech Authority, Atomic and many more. He's been writing professionally since 1998, and his passions include technology, social issues, education, retro gaming and professional wrestling.

Comments

  1. I have a feeling that many will dislike your weight loss chocolates as much as they do diet coke.
    I don’t dislike diet coke. And I don’t dislike the idea here. But I wouldn’t want it to *replace* my regular chocolate consumption method. Merely supplement it.

  2. Preach it, Alex. I’ll bankroll this, if for no other reason than to get my chocolate hit while not compromising my weightloss efforts.
    IT’s so simple, it’s like the answer was right there in front of you… oh, wait…

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