It’s positively criminal that the seminal “Be Somebody (Or Be Somebody’s Fool)” isn’t available on iTunes. Stuff the Beatles — where’s the love for Mr T?
Still, while we all wait and weep, we can console ourselves that technology magazines are still widely available. Such as (hey! A not-subtle-in-the-least segue! Who woulda thunk it?) the September 2007 issue of Australian Netguide Magazine, on store shelves now.
It’s positively bursting with goodness; my reviews within include eight of the best portable music/video players, as well as standalone reviews of Safari for Windows Beta, SearchBoth.com.au, PimpFish Movie & Picture Ripper, WebCreator 4 Pro, AVG Internet Security 7.5, FreeAgent Go, HP TX1000, MotorRAZR V3 Red, Wacom Bamboo Tablet, Golf Launchpad (PC), Shadowrun (PC, Xbox 360), AFL Premiership 2007 (PS2) and Fantastic Four: Rise Of The Silver Surfer (PS3, Xbox 360, PS2, Wii).
Naturally, anyone unwise enough to fail to head forth to their nearest purveyor of printed goods is a fool. Of the “to be pitied” kind.
Small print, stolen from elsewhere on the Intertubes: The Mathematical Proof for Mr. T’s Infinite Pity: For life to exist there must be a symmetric equation regarding the factors of pity(p) and fools(f) -> p-f=0. If any one factor rose to a level higher than the other, life as we know it would cease to exist. The fool factor can be decisively measured by dividing jibba-jabba(j) by tolerance for said jibba-jabba(t) -> f=j/t. With these two equations we can deduce: p-f=0; f=j/t ->p-(j/t) = 0 -> p = j/t. This equation leads to quite an interesting result. As we can see, if we hold jibba-jabba constant, as tolerance for said jibba-jabba approaches 0, pity approaches infinity. Now we all well know that Mr. T “ain’t got no time for the jibba-jabba.” In fact, extensive observational studies have been conducted and even with machines able to calculate with precision to the 23rd decimal place, Mr. T’s tolerance for jibba-jabba has been conclusively found to be 0, and therefore Mr. T’s pity is the literal embodiment of the concept of infinity.