Alex Kidman

Well, that holiday didn’t go off as planned.

While I was busy getting infected, ripped off, stressed and tired — if the mood hits me, I’ll do a more comprehensive writeup later — CNET.com.au was going into hyperdrive publishing articles of mine. Take your pick from the following:

Which broadband plan is right for me? “If you’re switching to broadband for the first time or contemplating changing your Internet Service Provider (ISP), the range of plans on offer can be quite staggering.”

NetComm 3G18Wn 3G USB 11n Wi-Fi Router: “The 3G18Wn provides good 802.11n performance, 3G USB modem compatibility and a great fall-back position for those using both wireless and wired internet connections.”

HP ProBook 4710s: “HP’s ProBook is all business, from its solid performance to its rather solid and stodgy style.”

NetComm NP201AV HomePlug: “NetComm’s redesigned its home plugs to make them somewhat easier to fit onto a plug socket — and significantly faster as well.”

This hot weather has to stop soon — doesn’t it?

Would a fresh Alex review cool you down? Probably not, but anything’s worth a try at this stage. This one is at CNET.com.au:

NetComm NP802n Wireless Router: “At first glance, the NetComm NP802n doesn’t look much like a NetComm router. Yes, it does still bear all the hallmarks of modern router design — it’s small, it’s boxy, there’s more antennas here than at Pine Gap…”

Ah, Albequerque — perhaps the Weird Al song I’ve used most for subject lines. Being over ten minutes long doesn’t hurt any in terms of lyric choices, of course.

What probably does hurt me is my diet, specifically junk food. On Sunday, I was having lunch with my esteemed brother in the local food court, and hied me hither to the nearest Burger King. Where, for reasons that still elude me, they were opening up a box of solid vegetable oil on the counter. With a machete. As you do.

Solid Vegetable Oil, it should be said, isn’t the most appetising stuff on the planet, and the sight of it being extracted, one white brick-sized chunk at a time was a strong disincentive to eat there*.

While I was waiting for my meal, I noted with some interest two odd little factoids about the vegetable oil

• It wasn’t just “Vegetable Oil”, it was “Superior Vegetable Oil”. Do humble plants have delusions of grandeur? Did the company involved previously only use really crappy plants, or something? I’m getting images of a carrot in a KKK robe now, for some reason.
• It wasn’t just “Superior Vegetable Oil” — it had a “New Improved Formula” too. How? I mean, they’re vegetables — well, probably some kind of seed, actually, but anything’s possible. Burger King might be frying its chips in pure potato oil, which feels vaguely cannibalistic to me, somehow.

Enough of this vegetable oil fixation. All things being well, my cat (who was daft enough to ingest some elastic and then end up with it wound around bits of its lower intestine early last week, requiring emergency surgery) will be heading home shortly… as long as I can pay the rather hefty Vet bill, that is.

I know! I’ll write something, and somebody can publish it and pay me for my work! It’s such a wacky idea, it just might work!

First, at PC Authority:

Mac Authority: Apple relaxing iPhone rules, developers winning big : “Sure, Steve Jobs is taking a leave of absence – perhaps permanently. But it’s in some unusual strategic decisions that Apple’s made recently that you can see Apple changing even more, argues Alex Kidman.”

And then at CNET.com.au:

NetComm NB12WD MyCommsGateway: “NetComm’s all-in-one broadband, wireless and VoIP solution makes for a pretty package, but we were still left wanting just a little bit more.”

*Sadly, for my waistline and arteries, I still did. Hey, I’d paid for it! I wasn’t going to not eat it after that!

Mmm.. tasty. Today, the dentist plugged me full of drugs (not too bad), and then drilled holes in, well, my head. They used to call that Trepanation. I don’t think I was demon possessed when I went in, but I was definitely more cash-possessed. Oh well, time to turn out more words of wonderful prose, I suppose, before one goes broke.

And that’s as good a segue as you’ll get out of me when I’m in serious pain — the drugs having worn off by now — to some of my latest efforts. Such as the November issue of PC User Magazine, which features my reviews of Netcomm’s 200Mbps HomePlug and the HP Photosmart C5280. As well as, from the coverline, new DVD Burning Tricks. Not that I wrote that bit, but I wonder if anyone ever publishes “old” DVD burning tricks?

In the “strange things that turn up when one does a Google vanity search” department, one thing that’ll make my father proud (until he corrects me — it’s apparently a very good translation…) at CNET.FR, and another mention in Wikipedia, this time on the page dedicated to Ninja Gaiden (Xbox).