Delta Goodrem stole my son's shoes…

There’s big news afoot, but I’m too brain frazzled to write in detail about it right now. Expect an update to Third Time Round shortly.
Instead, I’m going to complain. Bloody Delta Goodrem tried (but failed) to steal my 2 year old son’s shoes…
Well, not exactly steal. Still. I need to vent somehow. Having dealt with last night’s dramatics (that’s the stuff I still have to mentally process and then I’ll write about it in the proper context), I headed out today to the Macquarie Shopping Centre to buy James some shoes — specifically there because it’s the nearest Big W, and they tend to have a decent range of cheapish kids shoes. Cheap kids shoes are a must, partly for wear and tear reasons, but mostly because they grow out of them so very quickly.
Unfortunately for me, I scheduled this visit to Big W right when Delta — Wikipedia tells me she’s “Australia’s sweetheart” — was doing an instore appearance. Now, she’s an ex-TV star and local pop celebrity. So, where do you think they put her to do her signing — or singing — or perhaps disembowelling budgies live on stage, for all I really care?
If you picked A) In the music department, you’d be wrong.
If you picked B) In the TV department, you’d be wrong.
If you even picked C) In the DVD department, near her DVDs, you’d still be wrong.
No, the correct answer is D) In the toddler shoes department. In the boy’s toddler shoes department. It all makes so much sense, doesn’t it? Well, except that her entire fanbase at the store appeared to all be about 12 years old, dazzlingly pink and resolutely female. Perhaps Delta’s got a secret (and rather disgusting) fetish that has previously been kept under tight PR control..
So, instead of a careful and considered trawl through teeny-tiny sneakers, I instead found myself surrounded by this teeming, swarming and glowing pink mass, alternately screaming and chanting DELTA-DELTA-DELTA like a bunch of badly programmed terminators. With two kids to control. And no space to move. And very little in the way of breathable air. Did I mention the badly tuned and positioned speakers blasting out “Out Of The Blue” in an insanely repetitive loop?
It was then that my stupidly stubborn gene — a Kidman specialty — kicked in, and I decided, come what may, that Delta Bloody Goodrem wasn’t going to stop my boy from having new shoes. So, despite the screaming — which was so loud that my daughter curled up into a ball and hid at the back of our stroller — and despite the hordes of shrill tweenage skanks — I gritted my teeth, tried to block my ears and tried shoes until I found the right pair. My resolve didn’t quite last to trying to find a matching pair of socks, though.
Bloody Delta Goodrem… I even got ignored by Rah and Magic Dan on the drive out when they nearly crunched into me in the Rah-mobile on the way out of the parking lot. From now on, I’ll be blaming everything on either Cashews or Delta Goodrem. Maybe both.

52 thoughts on “Delta Goodrem stole my son's shoes…”

  1. we didn’t ignore you once we realised it was you behind the windscreen! of course i was too blind to notice, but dan finally yelled “holy shit, that’s alex!” which was when we waved stupidly out the window at the traffic lights.
    at first i thought you were honking because i was sitting in the traffic incorrently… lucky i didn’t give you the finger 😉

  2. actually, i am a delta fan myself and im not a 12 year old tweenage skank. delta was in the underwear section, where she was promoting her underwear range. im pretty sure theres plenty more bigw like shops in westfield, y didnt you go to kmart or something? stop your whinging about delta she rocks and can sing beautifully.

  3. Hey mole! Why don’t you and your little kiddies go and get a life. I’m sure youre shoes can wait a little longer than what these 300 dedicated fans who stood there from early hours have.=)

  4. Well, in no particular order:
    (I’m probably going to regret this, but the Kidman stubborn gene is kicking in again)
    “Y” is a letter of the alphabet, and not the start of any standard sentence.
    No comment was made pertaining to Delta’s singing ability — positive or negative — whatsoever. So quite what your last comment actually means eludes me.
    There’s no K-Mart in the Macquarie Centre, which would make it hard to go there instead. Anyway, I’d specifically gone there to go to Big W. As I had mentioned. Comprehension not your strong point?

  5. Wow. I’ve never (to the best of my knowledge) been called a mole before. But that’s OK; moles are quite cute subterranean animals, and I’m sure the kids would love them.
    What does needing shoes have to do with having (or not having) a life?
    (Learn to use apostrophes, by the way. They’re your friends! Just like sentence structure!)

  6. i think its disgusting! ur disgusting alex! u need ti get a life becoz im 13 not 12 and i am not a tweenage skank thank you very much! were not using proper grammar because only u would care about that! and weare going to make u get theworst reputation! stop whingging and get alife

  7. You are so selfish!!! why couldnt you have just waited it wouldnt have been long!!! and if you had somewhere else to be you should have just come back the next day!!! if she wasnt even in the boys shoe section then why are you getting mad at her!!! if she was in the boys shoe section anyway you should have been mad at manegment!!! so you should post a new message with an apoligy to delta and the people you called tweenage skanks!!! you are so immature!!! oh and stop correcting everyones grammer WE DONT CARE!!! so just get over your self!!!

  8. Hi Alex,
    Delta was set up where her lingerie range was sold. Delta was there to promote her new lingerie range, so that’s where her instore was set up. It’s not Delta’s fault that Big W have the lingerie section next to the shoe section. You can’t seriously be blaming her for that? *rolleyes*
    So no, Delta does not have a “secret (and rather disgusting) fetish that has previously been kept under tight PR control”, you are just too stupid to realise why Delta was there (when there were mannequins right next to Delta with items of the new range on them). Idiot!
    But, of course, you and your two kids are so much more important that HUNDREDS of fans who had been eagily waiting for Delta from early hours in the morning, some arriving at Big W before 6am. Of course, they are not allowed to be ecstatic or excited even at meeting their idol because you are there. Well, I’m sorry Your Majesty, but who are you to be complaining about Delta being there when she is making hundreds of people happy? This would be one of, if not, THE happiest day in the lives of these fans but *gasps* you and your kids were there so obviously, Delta should just reschedule or cancel altogether and all of the fans can go home, most probably in tears.
    So the lesson we have learnt here is that shit happens! Build a bridge and get over it! Because you really don’t have a leg to stand on with this argument. Hundreds of fans having the best day of their lives vs one person trying to buy shoes for two kids. Get over yourself! You shouldn’t complain about hundreds of fans (mostly kids) being happy!
    I’m sure you could have found another time to buy shoes or just go for a 5 minute drive to the next department store instead of being so damn immature!
    *lots of sloppy kisses*

  9. Time for a multi-reply, methinks.
    (Out of curiosity, did this hit a Delta mailing list, or fan group, or something?)
    “i think its disgusting! ur disgusting alex!”
    I’m so glad you clarified that. The subject of your posessive statement could have been anything. Still, “ur” is the sound my car makes when it won’t start on a cold winter morning, or the ancient home of the chaldeans; I presume you mean “you’re”. I would despair of teaching standards, but then I know quite a few of them. And yeah, that’s terribly patronising, but it’s my journal, my site, so tough luck. I’m allowed to care, and I’m allowed to comment.
    “were not using proper grammar because only u would care about that! “
    Well, I hope I’m not. Language can evolve over time, and my own grammar is far from perfect, although largely what I was correcting was in fact spelling.
    “and weare going to make u get theworst reputation!
    I really should let this one slide, but what the heck:
    (in mock squeaky voice)
    “Oh no! I’ll never get a date for the year 10 formal now!”
    Well, at least I amuse myself. And while I’m being picky:
    “so you should post a new message with an apoligy to delta and the people you called tweenage skanks!!!”
    I’m just going out on a limb here, but I doubt Delta’s all that worried. But clearly some of you are.
    Thank you Sarah — that’s a considered and mostly polite response, and for the most part you’re correct; my beef was (essentially) with centre management as much as it was with Delta. I’ve got to take exception to the “stupid” bit — if you can’t spot a touch of satire in the fetish comment, then I’m not sure you’re qualified to make the observation. So, sadly, I can’t really do the sloppy kisses back, but then that’s because my wife would cut my lips off, and I get this feeling that might hurt. Plus, I get the teensy feeling that the email address you’ve given is a fake…
    There are two important contexts to all of this that should be borne in mind before I approve any more comments. Firstly, this was done with two small kids in tow, and I doubt many of you have experience with that. And it’s the morning after I’ve spent pretty much all night with my wife in hospital and things looking very bloody grim for our as-yet-unborn third child. You’ll just have to forgive me if you genuinely think that Delta selling a few bits of skimpy underwear (and do 12 year olds need lingerie? Does Delta need the money? Is it perhaps just a cynical marketing exercise?) might be a bit less important than somebody’s life.
    This brings up the second bit of context. This is my site, my journal, and my space to rant — and I admit as much in the opening section of the third paragraph. I can (within the rules and laws of the land and the conditions of my service providers) write pretty much what I want, and while I don’t actually set out to offend people, I’ll still write what I want on what is my own property, virtual though it may be. You (collectively) are, of course, free to think poorly of me for this. I am, of course, free to wonder how secure Delta fans are in their idol (and their own fanship) that a posting in a minor journal that’s more to do with having a noisy day, with a slight satirical slant to it might upset them so very much.
    For the record, I own both of Delta’s albums, and, in my personal opinion, Mistaken Identity isn’t very good.

  10. for starters, pull your lip over ur head and swallow it!! yes this did hit a delta board, and a very *uc*ing angry one at that. we stood for hours and hours to meet her, and then your highness comes along and gets shitty coz he wants a pair of shoes? grow up and drive to the next big w or kmart big boy. if they’ll have you.

  11. Alex,
    No-one is angry with you for being angry. But do you have to post about Delta in such a harsh (ok, at some points satirical) way? For some people, Delta is life, and she has helped them through tough times. Recently a Delta fan, who has now left us for another world, told Delta she had stayed alive just that little bit logner with Deltas help (Delta phoned and kept in contact with her throughout her terrifying ordeal. The girl was 15)
    Dont treat us Delta fans too harshly…like the tweenage skanks thing.
    Best wishes to your wife right now
    Liv xoxox

  12. To Very Angry:
    “we stood for hours and hours to meet her”
    Well, good for you. I hope it was worth it. If my recounting of my experience hurts you so very much, I suggest you go elsewhere.
    I’m not sure what the lip over the head thing is meant to achieve (obscure references to family guy episodes, and the reappearance of the chaldeans notwithstanding), but I almost didn’t approve of the comment on the swearing alone (even though you did semi-edit yourself), but decided it was worth pointing out that I *won’t* approve any further comments of the type. So there y’go.
    To Olivia:
    Thanks for the kind wishes; we could use as many as possible right now. Being in the situation that I’m in right now, I can fully appreciate how different things can help different people to cope with all sorts of situations; having said that, I’ll reiterate; this is my journal of my experiences, and I’ll continue to voice my opinions. Yes, you may not like them (that’s becoming clear), but have you considered that it might just possibly be worth considering the foundations of the pedestal that you’re building? Especially if one small entry, not specifically designed to attack your idol, but to vent on what was a very difficult day, is enough to draw this much ire?
    It occurs to me that the single worst direct thing I’ve said about Delta Goodrem is to call her “bloody” Delta Goodrem. If it’s good enough for our national tourist board, surely it’s good enough for her?

  13. Hahaha. Oh shut up! Just because you’re the perfect journo. Not all of us are grammatical masterminds like yourself. Bahahah.

  14. hahahahahahhahahahahahahaha…ha
    (bit Deleted By Alex. It’s not even a correct insult, really.)
    (dont go on about my grammar.. i know its not good so bye 🙂 )

  15. You might want to get those eyes looked at. They’re meant to maintain a relatively fixed position for optimal sight.
    But to answer your question, no, I don’t. But my circumstances right now mean I’m not getting that much sleep, and I get an email alert every time someone does post an entry, so I’m aware of it when it’s happening. The wonders of the information age, and all that.

  16. Yes, I know you didnt say much. It’s just..think of it like this?? You’re not enjoying..O.K…LIKING us telling you how annoying you are, and I can fully understand that you have had a rough day, week, YEAR for all I know, and that this is your board, feel free to post whatever you like!! Personally, it doesnt bother me what you call Delta, and it shouldnt bother anyone else either. If we like Delta, we can like her. If you want to say Bloody Delta Goodrem, you can say it. I’m sure most of us here have said something worse about someone else anyway.
    The point I’m getting at, is, please dont be too angry with these other Delta fans. I know they havent been the nicest of all nice people to you etc etc. Delta hasnt been in Australia for a long long time, and this group of people were just over-excited to see her. Surely even you can admit the ‘tweenage skanks’ thing was a TAD harsh. Then again, we all know what having bad days can do to people.
    I honestly do hope your wife is O.K, and that she is getting better with every second!! My best wishes to you and your family right now.
    x-x Liv x-x

  17. Pingback: Gusworld Blog » Blog Archive » Delta fans bitchslapped

  18. ur just being mean!!! if ur wife was in hospital then why didnt u stay there n get sum 1 who waz free 2 go get tha shoes n y did u take ur kids anyway u shud hav just checked their shoes size it aint that hard n u dont have u take them!!! my mum neva did wid me!!! n also u may have been angry n no 1 dus agree y but u still shud hav not hav called us tweenage skanks!!! it waz rude mean n offensive!!! oh n mabey the reason they were all there waz that they were supportin delta n not gettin tha undies n even if thay were u shudn’ care cus it haz nuttin 2 do wid u wat undies peeps wear!!! oh n my e-mail is real u dummy!!!

  19. Wow. OK. Whatever. Your email’s real, somebody really does spell that way, and this last desperate post isn’t just somebody trolling.
    I believe.
    I really do.
    No, wait, it’s the other thing. This is just blatant junk, pretending to be a disgruntled Delta fan; the author of that post is clearly someone who’s still fully gruntled.

  20. quite simply put… get over it. Ok so the location was perhaps inappropriate, but is that reason to whinge and whine about it on a blog?
    Have you nothing more worthwhile to talk about?
    The phrase “Delta goodrem sole my son’s shoes” doesn’t quite seem to fit either. Perhaps “prevented my son from getting his new shoes” is better suited but without that ring to it.

  21. All I can say is that you were in the wrong place at the wrong time… but no need to comment like it’s Delta’s fault and definatley no need to call us ‘tweenage skanks’ !!!

  22. Pingback: Alex Kidman » Surf and sand and psuedo goths

  23. To alex i am out raged to hear you talk so badly of Delta, she has done so much for not only this country but for this world she sarted working at age 4 AGE 4 some kids cant talk at age 4. i have met her she is the most beautiful person i have ever met.she keeps not only me but so many people possitine with out Delta i would be so depressed i would have killed myself years ago. i am not a skanky 12 yr old but a very mature 15 yr old. think twice next time!

  24. Hmm…
    “she has done so much for not only this country but for this world”
    Ah yes, that’d be that cure for world hunger she came up with last week, right?
    “she sarted working at age 4”
    Down t’coal mine? Beginning “work” (whatever that may be) at a young age isn’t necessarily any mark of virtue.
    You’re allowed to be, in your own words, “out raged” — presumably you’ve taken your rage to an external location — but I stand by my comments, especially in the context that they were made.

  25. alex this is war
    Delta is the most amazing person you should be so ashamed about your comments, you’ve had me in tears, I bet you couldn’t be a soap star, an actress,a cancer surviver, fashion designer and also the best role model for kids,teens and adults.
    i know why your so upset over this. its cuz ur so jelouse of what Delta has.
    she has parents who love her dearly
    a superstar brother who adores her like crazy.haha your so jelouse.she has every thing you don’t. you are a piece of scum living of scraps in the gutter. ha ha your so jelouse

  26. she started singing at age 4 to earn money for her demo cd. recorded her first demo cd at age 12 ang signed to sony at abe 14. how many kids can do that? and when i sed shes done so much for this country, she has, shes been acting for us and providing entertainment for u since age 7. then releases “i dont care at age 15” thats my age i know i couldn’t do that.

  27. “this is war”?
    No, war is what’s happening in Lebanon at the moment. Or throughout many regions of Africa. This is just a minor and stupid Internet argument over a “celebrity” singer that you’ve clearly invested far too much credibility into.
    “Jelouse” — a new french fragrance, reminiscent of head vermin, perhaps?
    If you’d actually bothered to read and comprehend what I wrote originally, you’d pick that this has nothing to do with comparative wealth, or, as you put it “jelouse” feelings.
    “she started singing at age 4 to earn money for her demo cd. recorded her first demo cd at age 12 ang signed to sony at abe 14. “
    Eight years? To get money together? Does that perhaps say something about how quickly she earned enough to put together a demo? And who are “ang” and “abe”?
    “when i sed shes done so much for this country, she has, shes been acting for us and providing entertainment for u since age 7.”
    What, just for little old me? Nobody else? You’d think I might have noticed a seven year old trailing around behind me singing for fifteen odd years…

  28. Pingback: Alex Kidman » Normal flaming will resume as soon as possible…

  29. Persistence. It’s a great thing. So is spelling, by the way.
    “who the hell are you any way?
    Well, you could read around and work that out. To get you started, I’ve just declared to the world that I’m not Delta Goodrem. Just in case you were confused.
    “i bet your kids couldnt do half as much as delta has. you piece of scum”
    Mmm.. biting and original invective. I think I’ll start editing out the “scum” references from now on, though. Also, apostrophes are your friend.
    For the record, if you stacked my four year old, two year old and four week old kids one on top of each other, they wouldn’t be quite as tall as Delta. That, and they’d fall over.
    “why wont you write back, mole, you scared some skanky little tweenagers will come after you?”
    Apostrophes. Apostrophes. Apostrophes. They make things so much nicer.
    Anyway, I comment and reply as and when I feel like it — I’m doing so now before getting some sleep, which I need with three kids to raise.

  30. For the record, if you stacked my four year old, two year old and four week old kids one on top of each other, they wouldn’t be quite as tall as Delta. That, and they’d fall over. what the hell does that mean? jst thought id’e tell you your a wait, i do feel realy sorry for you, you have nothing better to do than attack innocent superstars all day it must realy suck to be you. and who cares if you have 3 screaming kids to look after, all that shows is how shit you are of raising them any decent mother would have their kids in bed by 10.15.

  31. oh rite your a guy, you write like a chick.your a technology journalist what ever that is. why cant you apreciate every thing Delta has done. She is an amazing person. would you be proud of zoe if she grew up to be just like Delta? i reckon you would be. think about it.
    Deltas not out to get anyone,all she wants to do is provide music for people, is that a crime?
    im sorry if i have been harsh, i just broke up with my bf, my close friend has just died and 3 of my pets have also just died including my 2 beautiful horses, i needed a way to let out all my anger.i am realy sorry

  32. i would much appreciate it if you didnt show my personal details on your site,anyway that name you published is my auntys name, im using her comp at the moment.shhhhh she doesnt know.

  33. Excuse me but i dont believe that Delta Goodrem is the sorce of your problems, you must be having other problems at home or something but i dont think that Delta would be happy to read what you are accusing her of. You just choose the wrounge day to shop, so leave Delta alone and buy your son some shoes that will last him!!
    (By the way, if a young, not too young, girl can realise you have a problem with the commutity you shouldnt be publishing these sorts of things on the internet!!)

  34. Did you read my initial post? Did you comprehend the context, the humour?
    No, probably not. But you’re entitled to your opinion. Go wild, go crazy.
    Or, in other words, what did I seriously accuse Delta of?
    (But I feel that I must point out: Spelling is your friend, not your enemy.)

  35. why did you have to write such a mean article on Delta just cuz you didn’t get your own way on something. it is a bit selfish, not being mean. Delta is the most beautiful person and she doesn’t deserve this abuse written about her.

  36. why haven’t you wrote anything back. Have you finally realised you were wrong about Delta, have you just realised she is not out to get you and that she just wants to provide music for the world?

  37. I hadn’t responded because, to be honest, you hadn’t said anything worth responding to — in fact, you had the classic profile of a Troll.
    And, as I’ve stated before — this is my journal, and I’ll respond on my own terms. It’s a big Internet, I’m sure you’ll find somewhere where the terms are more to your liking…

  38. Random Person

    Hi there,
    I see that this was ages ago so I’m sorry for writing such a belated comment; I was just linked here from a thread on Delta’s official forum and thought the comments left were provocative enough to exhort me to write one myself.
    Firstly, I am absolutely disgusted by some of the comments people have left you. It was so obvious that your article ‘Delta Goodrem stole my son’s shoes’ was meant to be funny and satirical. Also, you were clearly writing for an adult parental readership, who would be able to identify with the experience of tiredly dragging toddlers around when Hell seems to breaking loose around you. And the fetish comment? It is clearly funny!
    Of course, the reason you have met with such abuse is that the Delta Goodrem fan-base is indeed made up of a very varied demographic. I’d say people of all ages. And out of all of these, who would respond? Clearly all the young ones. It’s just unlucky for you that they found the article and now you’ve been inundated with comments.
    Anyway, I am just writing to say that I am on your side, and best wishes with your family situation. I hope you are all happy. But also, I wanted to express that the Delta Goodrem fan-base is not entirely constituted of semi-literate 15-year-olds, and although I am not as obsessed as the others, I hope to save face by giving a quick impression of who I am: I am an 18-year-old guy living in England who plays Grade 8 piano, sings and writes and performs his own music; who is a professionally commissioned illustrator (; who is hopefully going onto read English at Oxford University; and who achieved full marks in most of his AS Levels last year.
    So please don’t think we’re all morons! Sorry, that probably seems a bit random but I just read what everyone said and thought I couldn’t bear to leave the page portraying all Delta fans as total (and sadly unwitting) losers! Some of us aren’t that bad. And the others… just need some time. ;P

  39. Wow. I just wanted to put a quick note here to state I totally agree with Seth. I fail to understand why they can’t understand the context of your post – I personally think it was a great post and it made me laugh – as did the comments by those who didn’t ‘get it’. Sadly, over the years the official forum has slowly but surely lost the intelligent members and though it has doubled/trebled in members it has halved in intelligence. Go figure. 🙂

  40. Singers who wear skimpy pink clothing should be banned from all public places.
    Delta – put some clothes on, get rid of that awful makeup you plaster on yourself and you might be taken seriously.

  41. U SUCK ALEX!!!!!
    How could u say that about delta??
    im pretty sure the happines of hundreds of beautiful kids adoring delta and finally meeting their idol is a TAD bit more impresssive and exciting and necessary than you buying 2 kids a pair of cheap shoes…
    and Delta does not wear skimpy cloths and tonnes of make up. have you seen her lately. or at all ever??!?! she’s gorgous!! thanks very much person above me…. D=
    so next time u get pissed off cos theres a few extra people in an entire Big W store… REALITY CHECK!!!
    BTW… im a huge fan of delta, shes amazing… just so you knwo who your talking to ….

  42. U SUCK ALEX!!!!!
    Gee, you barely even know me. Although I must have calmed somewhat in three years; there was a time when starting a comment like that would have ended in its swift deletion.
    How could u say that about delta??
    Well, it took some time to type in. But otherwise, it wasn’t that tough. Although, as noted above (in one of the by now much older replies), the worst thing I actually did to your idol was call her “Bloody Delta”. Which brings me on to…
    im pretty sure the happines of hundreds of beautiful kids adoring delta and finally meeting their idol is a TAD bit more impresssive and exciting and necessary than you buying 2 kids a pair of cheap shoes…
    Apostrophes are your friend. As is correct use of the letter S. It’s “happiness” not “happines” and “impressive”, not “impresssive”
    In any case, Delta requires adoration? What is she, some kind of Aztec deity? When do the blood sacrifices start? Perhaps “bloody Delta” was more on the money than I thought. Also (as again noted above a long, long time ago), this is my particular (and peculiar) corner of the web, and I’ll rant about what I please.
    and Delta does not wear skimpy cloths and tonnes of make up. have you seen her lately. or at all ever??!?! she’s gorgous!! thanks very much person above me…. D=
    Skimpy cloths would be somewhat revealing and embarrassing, and might even fall off, which presumably wouldn’t play to the teenager audience (or their mums). And yes, I am aware what she looks like, at least vaguely. Is “gorgous” something to do with Gorgons (so she’d be a greek myth) or gorging? She’d be a little chubby if she was gorging…

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.