Retro Gaming Challenge Week Thirteen: Backyard Wrestling: Don’t Try This At Home Review (PS2)

Backyard Wrestling: Don’t Try This At Home (or anywhere)

I reviewed Backyard Wrestling: Don’t Try This At Home for GameSpot Australia way back in the day — sadly, it didn’t survive the transition between GameSpot and the launch of CNET Australia. It was a game I gave the lowest score possible to, and time hasn’t… been kind. To it,or to my sanity as I’ve played it this week.

Therefore, in its honour, and for only the second time in my career (the first time being for the Nokia N9 over at Gizmodo, if you care), I’m going to resort to terrible poetry.
Haiku, to be precise. The quality of the Haiku accurately reflects the quality of the game, I think you’ll find.

*Backyard Wrestling Sucks*
*The Joy Out Of My Very Soul*
*I Feel Quite Defiled.*

ffff — *Don’t Try This At Home*
*Or Make Your Console Play This*
*Lest You Go Insane.*

blup — *Enemies So Dumb*
*Hitting Them Feels Cruel And Sad*
*Why Must We Suffer?*

nub — *Hit Detection Bad*
*Powerbomb Through Petrol Tank*
*Brings No Lasting Joy.*

fffff — *Tyres Thrown At Heads*
*Bounce With Sprays Of Crimson Gore*
*Nobody Got Scars.*

derp — *No Impact From Moves*
*That Would Crush Skulls And Break Bones*
*Laughably Awful.*

fler — *Random Video*
*Of Semi-Naked Women*
*Does Little To Help.*

llll — *Everyone Is Bad*
*At Wrestling In This Game But*
*Better Than Great Khali*

That sounds so bad it must be good. Where can I score a copy?

Really, it isn’t. Backyard Wrestling: Don’t Try This At Home is bad. Truly terrible.
But hey, there’s plenty of masochists out there, so who am I to deny you? Eidos is long gone (technically now part of Square Enix), and the licenses for music and the ICP are no doubt extinguished by now. They probably wouldn’t be that expensive to get; maybe a bag of “powder” and some Faygo to score the rights, but still, I can’t see too many games houses lining up to re-release this particular “gem” in a backwards compatible or virtual console way.
Which means it’s off to the ‘bay of E.
You can search for a copy of Backyard Wrestling: Don’t Try This At Home here.
Pricing seems to be all over the place for it, and while that’s an affiliate link above, try not to pay too much for it. I’ll feel bad if you do.

Next week: Cleansing the palate

Super Monkey Ball for the Gamecube won last week’s poll, albeit closely. I’m cool with that, because it’s a great game. If it wasn’t already obvious, I need a break from terrible games, and that means I’m going to pick out a few favourite titles, such as Bubble Bobble…
What? Rules? Who set these rules? What, me?
Sigh. Oh, very well. In which case, while I wait for week fifty two and my full on Bubble Bobble frenzy, you can vote on the next game I play using the selection below. Fair warning: I will enjoy playing them a LOT more than I did playing Backyard Wrestling: Don’t Try This At Home.
[socialpoll id=”2371549″]
*This is actually true. Torn shoulder muscles and videogaming don’t go well together. Also, gravity hates me.

Backyard Wrestling: Don’t Try This At Home (or anywhere)

That sounds so bad it must be good. Where can I score a copy?

Next week: Cleansing the palate

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