Q: What’s wet, hard, long and wakes up Alex at 2am with a loud bang?
A: Not what you were thinking. Stop it — you’ll go blind.
The correct answer is, surprisingly, “a plant in my bedroom”.
Except by “plant”, I don’t mean “that wacky talking cactus with the Groucho Marx moustache and the Mexican accent telling pirate jokes”. I mean “thumping great tree branch, spearing down out of the sky and creating a large hole in the bedroom roof” type of plant thing. The water that drips in continually is, of course, a courtesy afterthought.
On the plus side, the talking cactus has been stunned into silence.