Jokes. Sometimes I write them…

But not everybody gets them, as evidenced by the responses to this column, live today at

Google announces “Google Nothing” An innovative ad-supported application is set to be a hit: Google says it reinvents the most popular human occupation of all time: doing nothing.”

Anything can happen, anything can be…

OK; I’m officially out of words. Except for these ones. And all the ones I put down today — although given you can’t actually read them yet (for various tedious publishing-related-reasons), I’m not sure if that’s “put down” in the work sense, or “put down” in the rather more veterinary sense. Anyway, some words I actually wrote yesterday are up at PC Authority:

iPrimus launches 200GB broadband: “They probably just want customers to think of large Hawaiian things, but we can’t help but think “Pulp Fiction”, and Samuel L. Jackson’s turn as hitman Jules Winnfield. But is this offering really a tasty, tasty burger?”

It’s not often you can work Pulp Fiction into a story of any type. In fact, now that I come to think of it, I’ve made numerous mentions of Dr Who, The Goodies, Groo The Wanderer, Vanilla Ice and Monkey in print, but I think this might be my first Tarantino reference.

Sadly, it seems as though my punk band, Adolf Dickfeld, never made it. Being banned in Germany probably didn’t help. So I’ve moved on, seemingly to European Existentialist Dance/Electronica. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Polvijärvi :

A surprisingly good de-stress…

(stolen from, although the original poster notes that he stole it from a blog. So, in a way, it’s coming home).

Create your debut album cover:

1 – Go to Wikipedia’s random article page
The first article you get is the name of your band

2 – Go to the Random Quotations page
The last four words of the last quote is the album title

3 – Go to Flickr’s Interesting photo page
Third picture, no matter what it is, is your album cover

Put it all together to make your album. Either crop it to CD cover size, or just use the raw image itself… the only rule is you’re only allowed to add the album title and artist title.

And with that in mind, ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to announce the debut album from angry punk protest singers…

Hmm. It almost feels as though this should be available on LP only. I certainly can’t see us appearing on iTunes any time soon…

We try not to show how frightened we are…

PC Authority has another news bite of mine live, courtesy of an event that I thought would be oddly news-free…

Free mobile phone calls, if you can put up with the ads: “Bluetooth marketer Aura to launch “free” mobile calls within the next twelve months. Maybe now we’ll afford to pay off our N95…

It’s only forever, not long at all…

Monday comes, and with it, a new crop of Alex words. Which is good; I have many, many words to pen (well, key, but I digress once again) before the week is out. First up, we have

Jabra BT5020 Headset  with Bluetooth Hub: “You tend to look rather too much like a poseur when wearing one, as if the effort of answering your phone manually is too much — or as if you really wanted to be in the next Star Trek movie, but couldn’t quite make it in the props department…”

Meanwhile, at PC Authority:

Next G appears on more laptops: “Toshiba adds more models with Next G capabilities, but if you want to slot in a 3 SIM you’re out of luck…”

The one in which I end up with a new… errm… old console.

People throw out the strangest things, something I found out first-hand this morning.

It’s council kerbside pickup time — we get two Sundays a year where the council will come by (well, not all of them — I understand the Lord Mayor has a bad back, and the folks in the planning department can never plan the time, but I digress) and collect the types of waste that don’t go into regular or recycling bins. Old fridges, broken furniture and more than slightly soiled mattresses abound, which makes one wonder — where do people store all these things while they wait for pickup season?

In my case, the answer to that is “under the house”, and we had lots to put out, which we did yesterday afternoon, essentially as a post-4 year old party activity. All the carpet from our renovations, an old bookcase and lots and lots of bits of crud. I was slightly annoyed this morning to notice that one of our neighbours had “added” their rusty old ironing board to our pile — it’s not that I mind them recycling, but there are limits to the mass that council will take, and we still had more to add. Hopefully, it won’t matter.

Anyway, I had to walk home after church this morning, walking past people’s old broken lamps, mouldy garden furniture and the like when I spotted something that pinged my interest — a logo, that as a gamer, I knew very well. An Atari logo. But it couldn’t be… could it?

Atari 7800 Box

Wow. A 7800 box. Not a common item to see, but surely it was empty.. right? I had to check..

The 7800, in all its glory

Hmm. That’s in pretty good condition, all things considered. And my beloved 2600 is a bit knackered (the 7800 is backwards compatible). I was willing to bet that it would be console only, or a cable would be missing…

Everything that comes in the 7800 box. And I mean everything.

Blimey. It’s all there. Controllers, instruction manual, power pack, coax cable — even the warranty card. All in (given the age of the unit) as near to mint condition as makes no difference. They’d even kept the receipt, which tells me it was purchased at the Big W store in the Macquarie Centre on the 10/01/90 for a grand total of… $147. Probably a touch overpriced in its day, but I can’t complain about free, really. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a whole ton of Donkey Kong, Combat and Outlaw to play. Not to mention working out exactly what it is that Yar is trying to gain revenge for. Giving a whole generation of kids epilepsy, possibly.

I can haz sleep now?

So while I sleep, amuse yourself with these scribings, at and, but not in that order. Blame the lack of sleep.

Conceptronic Grab ‘n’ Go Multimedia Player: “The Grab ‘n’ Go Multimedia Player makes a decent play at the budget-end of the playback market — but its limitations are obvious…”

Ballmer realises Hungarian student wasn’t saying ‘egg hunt’ to him: “What a week. Microsoft’s CEO got egged, Vista gave users a bum steer, and Google, well it just wants to know about your bum…”

I can’t stand the sound…

Another news story, albeit one delayed a day or two for reasons beyond my particular control:

Nintendo Wiiware – how the deal stacks up: “We look at the big N’s latest gaming release in context. The verdict? Not as expensive as Sony’s priciest.”

How big was that fish, James?

It was this big!

Well, OK. Maybe it was only this big.

Here it comes again!

There’s a lot of changes comin’, you’d best be payin’ them some mind…

I would have thought the deal written about in this story (for PC Authority) was pretty obvious, but then I’m often struck by the people who will sign up to 2-5 year deals because of one free trinket, or another. Perhaps Barnum was onto something, all along…

Telstra offers up free laptop with Next G: “But there’s “free” free, and then there’s “three thousand dollars” free. We’ve dissected the fine print…”