Alex Kidman

This landed in my inbox just now, and it made me laugh out loud, purely due to its overwhelmingly generic nature. Names have been substituted to protect the not-terribly-innocent, with a generic “Publisher” and “Developer” find and replace thrown in to boot:

Publisher Announces Agreement with Developer to Create New Next-Generation Entertainment Franchise
Publisher and Premier Console Developer Team Up for Multiplatform Development of New Intellectual Property
Sydney, Australia – August 10, 2006 – Publisher today announced an agreement with Developer to develop a new intellectual property for release on next-generation console platforms. Emphasizing ground-breaking gameplay, and focused on interactivity that is only possible with next-generation platforms, Developer plans to leverage its proprietary technology to deliver a revolutionary gaming experience.
“Publisher is determined to deliver outstanding new ideas to next-generation consoles, and our partnership with the great people at Developer creates another opportunity for us to bring innovation and creativity to the market,” said Person-In-A-Big-Suit-One, Vice President of Product Development at Publisher. “The phenomenal technology created by Developer directly affects gameplay in extremely innovative ways— and it perfectly complements the engaging story and intriguing characters you’d expect of a Publisher title.”
“We wanted to work with a Publisher who would set the bar sky-high,” said Person-In-A-Big-Suit-Two, President of Developer, “It’s a privilege to work with the creative minds behind some of the most successful franchises in entertainment history, and we are inspired by the opportunity to work with Publisher on their first entirely new property specifically for next-generation consoles.”
Publisher and Developer will announce product details at a future date.

Or, in plainer words: We’ll be releasing a game. Of some sort. And we’d like to hype it, without revealing anything specific about it at all. The next time somebody accuses me of padding out an article, I’ll point them straight towards Publisher….

CNET.com.au has just put up a duo of my reviews:

Creative Fatal1ty Professional Series Gaming Headset: “The next thing you’ll notice when you extricate it from the packaging is that holding the foam headpieces in your hands feels rather like you’re getting unduly intimate with a Muppet of some sort…”

TRENDnet TEW-432BRP 54Mbps 802.11g Wireless Firewall Router: “If Peyo’s famous Smurfs ever go wireless, it’s the TRENDnet TEW-432BRP that they’ll favour above all else.”

No witty quips today; too tired. CNET and 3DAvenue have the following:

Maxon Ethermax: “There aren’t many broadband solutions that work as simply and transparently as Maxon’s Ethermax router, although you’d be wise to keep a careful eye on your usage patterns…”

Shinobido: Way Of The Ninja: “Hmm. Not much help, really. I’m beginning to see why so many schoolboys only use dictionaries to look up the rude words…”

“If Earthworm Jim doesn’t hand over the suit in the next twenty minutes, you will suffer a fate worse than death!

Such as?

Oh, I dunno. Somethin’ really awful, with pointy.. umm… and it’ll chafe and stuff..”

There just aren’t enough annelid heroes these days. Which is a perfect* segue into my latest published review, up at CNET.com.au today.

Samsung DVD-HR735: “Samsung’s DVD-HR735 offers HDMI connectivity, but beyond that it’s a largely unexciting DVD recorder…”

*Perfect if you happen to have an abberant brain, that is..