Have you got a death wish, or something?

So, it’s lunchtime, and I’m taking a work break. And the SuperBowl is on the TV. And Prince is playing the half-time show. And it’s at Dolphins Stadium. Sure, the Phins aren’t actually playing — no great shock considering their woeful performance this year — but still, that’s a mandatory ticket for me to plant myself firmly on the sofa, with only the threat of an oxy-acetylene torch able to move me.

Except.. hang on. The cat seems to be chasing something.

Oh.

No. It couldn’t be — could it?

Sigh. Yes, yes it is.

stupidlizard.jpg

The stupid lizard is BACK. So, instead of sitting down to what looked to be an explosive onstage performance (sheet rain notwithstanding), I spend half-time crawling around under the sofa, trying to catch this clearly suicidal skink before the cat can.

stupidlizard2.jpg

Those worried that he became cat food can rest easy — this is a shot of him outside, showing his tail still not returning. All I can think is that he is in fact suicidal — perhaps Mrs Skink ran off with the milkman (do Skinks have milk delivery people… erm.. skinks? Probably not.), or he’s got bad debts with the Skink Mafia or something. Heh. Skink Mafia. I can picture it now: “You pay up your money, or your tail comes off… oh. Too late.”

I don’t suppose the NFL would consider hiring Prince again for next year’s half-time show, just so I can watch it live?

[editor's update: I found the tail about ten minutes after posting this, so it's clearly not the same skink. Which either means I have TWO stupid skinks in the garden to deal with, or it was a Skink Mafia Enforcer, looking for the previous trespasser.]

Rainy day invasion

It’s a wet and rainy day, so in order to keep the kids under control — is such a thing just a pipe dream? — I decided to show them how to make Space Invaders. Hey, what can I say — I’m a sucker for the classics.

The problem, of course, is that you start with this:

GreenInvader
Along came an invader

But Invaders never travel through the dark inky night alone, you know…

YellowInvader

Soon there were two. Zoe tells me that this is a “Girl” Invader. I guess they’ve got to reproduce somehow, what with the appalling casualty rate for this 30 year old war…

BlueInvader

And then there were three. I showed Zoe and James how Invaders moved, making the obligatory “Dutt Dutt Dutt Dutt, Dutt Dutt Dutt Dutt” noise as it went from side to side, and James decided that they were called “Dutt-Dutts”. Perhaps he’s right, and the noise is in fact the Invaders trying to communicate with us warmongering Earthlings…

InvaderGroup

Uh oh. It’s a full-scale invasion. Better call in Earth’s only hope.

Tank

Thankfully, tanks are a lot easier to build than Space Invaders. Should have this invasion sorted out in a jiffy.

Bombina bombina

I have a frog.

Welll, of a sort. He’s just a temporary Frog; this time next week he will be no more. He’s not even, as the subject line suggests, a European Fire-Bellied Toad — he’s just a Frog.

Observe:

frog.jpg

Being transitory is, however, no excuse for being The Frog With No Name. In order to avoid this terrible fate, I think he needs one — any suggestions?

No, Kermit’s already taken…

I should get a research job…

Every year, when the winners of the IgNobel prizes are announced, I have that very thought…

(The actual recipients list isn’t yet up at the Annals Of Improbable Research site yet, but here’s the Wikipedia entry for all the previous winners.). Then again, looking at that list reminds me that, improbably, somebody’s patented the comb-over, thus requiring me to shave my head yet again to avoid the costly patent fees.

In order to cover some of the court costs — and while I work out what particular field of research is as yet both ludicrous and untapped by human endeavour to undertake — I continue to write.
Bear witness, for example, to the November 2006 issue of Australian PC User, out now on store shelves. Aside from all its other worthy contents — and for the edification of my in-laws, there’s a good roundup of digital video cameras within — I’ve got a review of the Philips VOIP 321 Skype phone in its pages. PC User content, for whatever reason, doesn’t tend to end up online, so go forth and buy a copy now. You never know — when I’m presented with my IgNobel prize, I might just mention you in the 1-minute acceptance speech*

*but that’s pretty unlikely. Improbable you might say. Hey — there’s an idea. Has anyone done any statisical analysis into the wallet contents of IgNobel prize winners? I’m willing to undertake the research, if there’s a grant for it going begging…