Bad Glenn Medeiros joke within…

Issue #2 of Player magazine is on store shelves now, and I’ve got a four page feature on hooking up your iPod to your home theatre system within. As they say on the idiot’s lantern, it’s available at all good newsagents, and probably at the chaotic neutral ones too. As promised, there’s a bad Glenn Medeiros joke within, along with a puntastic iPod-related sub-heading or two to add to your enjoyment.

Obscure Trivia Fact: The Group Sales Manager of Niche, who publish Player, knows my paternal Grandmother. It’s a small and wacky world, indeed.

Can we hear it? No, we can’t!

Another day, another instance of children’s theatre. In this case, it was a Bob The Builder show, something that Zoe had been excited about ever since we did the Playschool show at the local RSL; she’d seen the posters and been pestering on and off ever since.

Leaving aside the parking woes that saw me drop off Di and the kids before getting a park on the other side of the suburb — and there’s nothing like the looks you get as a man in his early 30s seemingly going into a Bob The Builder stage show by yourself — a good time was not, in fact, had by all. Yes, the kids enjoyed it at a simple level, but the Playschool show was far superior.

Now, I’m probably more likely to enjoy a Playschool show than a Bob The Builder one, but leaving script quality aside, the show had one simple problem — audio. Spoken word stuff was too soft for most of the audience to hear properly, and the songs — and this show was basically the Bob The Builder album with words strung around it — sounded like they were being amplified through the corpse of recently deceased hamster. Zoe did have some fun dancing, but even she didn’t know what was going on, and compared to the roars of approval that the whole showroom gave at the Playschool show, there were plenty of periods of pure silence from the befuddled audience.

And now, on with the pics:

The audience waits, expectantly.
The audience waits, expectantly.

They could be Autons up there, and we'd never know....
They could be Autons up there, and we’d never know…

This image deliberately blurred to protect innocent young minds.
This image deliberately blurred to protect innocent young minds.

Pilchard looks on, unimpressed.

Zoe proves that it is in fact possible to dance to no music at all

James busts a funky move
James busts a funky move. Anyone who’s ever seen me dance will confirm that he didn’t get that skill from me.

This is the stuff that nightmares are made of.

Gives new meaning to sweat pants
I wonder how much weight you sweat out in one of those suits?

Wendy storms off the stage after a billing disagreement. Divas are like that.

How stupidly quiet and/or muddy was the audio? Well, Luc fell asleep during the show…

It’s not a good idea to shout at your kids…

Like I did yesterday. It doesn’t achieve anything, and you may (as I did) lose your voice. That’ll learn me.

In the actually achieving things stakes, however, I’ve got another couple of reviews up today, at

Samsung LA40M61B LCD TV: “Most of the common functions are replicated with very small buttons on the base of the LCD panel, although, rather like HotBlack Desiato’s ship, they’re in black … on a black background…”

LG U890: “We put the U890 to the ultimate test in this regard, using its feed of ABC Kids programming to keep an unhappy toddler under control in the backseat of a hot car for around 30 minutes…”

Gonna paint that wagon…

I’ve been spending the day doing something a little different.

Something I promised myself I’d do about six years ago.

That’s right — I’ve undergone a vasectomy using only two bricks and a bottle of Jack Daniels — I’ve started to paint out all of the horrible Mission Brown that coats most of the external wood in our house. Four hours of painting, and most of the front verandah is now a more pleasant leafy green colour. I quite like painting — while the sore muscles and green hair are something of a pain, there’s a feeling of accomplishment as the new colour starts to take over. Still, if any of the thousands of my readers* want to come and help, they’re more than welcome — there’s plenty of Mission Brown to get rid of, y’know.

That hasn’t stopped the electronic presses, however:

Prey (Xbox 360): “Things just start getting interesting — and by interesting, I mean “Tommy gets annoyed and murders some bar patrons with a wrench”…”

* Well, OK, maybe tens of readers. Would you believe multiples?

Drink champagne from a glass, with chocolate handles…

More printed appearances of the byline A.Kidman — hardly a rarity in themselves these days between me and the clone, but anyway:

Issue #7 of Home Entertainment is out now — or presumably is, given that the devastatingly clever and pretty* editorial director sent me my contributor’s copy — and it features a seven-page guide to choosing an Mp3 player, written by yours truly. This is the publication formerly known as the Home Entertainment Buyer’s Guide, and the revamp looks pretty spiffy, even from an outsider’s perspective.

Meanwhile, the September issue of Netguide Magazine is also out on store shelves, — nobody’s ever given me a “real” answer as to why computer mags never carry the correct month date, but I digress — and it’s chock full of Kidman-y goodness.

Kidman-stuff with an “Alex” in front of it includes a roundup of net communications devices — that’s Webcams, Headsets and VoIP phones — as well as standalone reviews of (deep breath) ZoneAlarm Security Suite 6.5, PrintMaster Platinum 17, Norton Save & Restore, Kodak V610 digital camera, Epson EMP-S4 Projector, Zensonic Z500, Google Spreadsheets, BigPond Games Shop, Sensible Soccer 2006 (PC), Hitman: Blood Money (PC), Rockstar Games Presents Table Tennis (Xbox 360) and Loco “Cuter than a basket full of kittens” Roco (PSP). Oh, and for those still reading, I also put together the Broadband ISP table, which makes for thrilling bedtime reading. Apparently, the butler did it.

But wait! That’s not all! Not to be outdone by publications of a physical form, has one of my reviews up today:

Nokia E61: “What do you call something that looks like a Blackberry, acts like a Blackberry and yet offers a lot more than most Blackberry devices? Nokia calls it the E61….”.

* Alex Kidman. Sucking up (badly) to people who sign cheques since 1998.

Normal flaming will resume as soon as possible…

The Delta fans are back.

(note: You’ll have to scroll to the bottom of the Delta page for the latest entries. It almost feels to me like there could be a book in this.)

Well, actually, it seems to be a sole, angry Delta fan, who has declared “war” on me. Frankly, I wouldn’t have bothered approving her comments (I’m guessing it’s a her — there aren’t that many blokes around called “Lyn”) — call me crazy, but I’m not fond of being called “scum” for some reason — but they’re in stark relief to the boring and never-ending Chinese WoW Gold Farmer spams which have been popping up lately.

The clone tells me that he still gets email from people either defending Dannii Minogue, attacking Dannii Minogue, or simply asking if he is, in fact, Dannii Minogue, many years after he gave up chronicling the adventures of Mighty Morphin’ Dannii Minogue. With that in mind, I’d just like to go on the record to state that I am not, and never have been, Delta Goodrem.

Because clearly, I’m Craig McLachlan.
This is, of course, a lie. Because any idiot could plainly see that I am, in fact, the Blakeney twins.
I should probably stop this, before the joke runs thin.

My wife is a very clever woman…

Today’s been a tough day for everyone’s favourite freelancer*; I’ve been tired and grumpy and unable to write, no matter how long I’ve stared at an LCD display.

So what does she do? She comes in and gives me this, which I promptly place on the floor of my office. Improves the decor immeasurably. Not to mention my mood.

* Not necessarily true; Alex Kidman may not be your favourite freelancer. No monies will be returned. May contain traces of peanuts or nut products.